Physician Healer

Issue 22 Love

Love

If I asked a bunch of random people what the word “love” means to them, I would likely get a whole slew of different answers. It’s one of those loaded questions. Some define love as an inner condition of bliss and happiness. For others it involves some object of desire within a more conditional context, as in “I love money.” Sometimes it is used conditionally as a feeling for a desired outcome or after an outcome, such as, “ I would love it if they assign me to that project,” or “I love the fact that I was able to get that car that I wanted.” Of course, there is nothing wrong with any of those uses of love as long as love still exists long after the outcome has dissipated.

For me, there are no words to truly describe this extraordinary 4-lettered word. It’s like a chameleon. It means something different to different people. Eckhart Tolle defines love as a state of being, like joy and peace. It is a part of us, an essence of us and emanates from within. Love is neither something we achieve, chase after nor something we search for. Love for another whether it be a person or animal would be an extension of what is already complete within us; it is not used to fulfill a missing piece of ourselves.

Love is a way to feel and be. It does not involve accolades or outcomes. Literature describes it as lacking conditions and expectations. Love just “is.” Too many times, it is used as a bargaining chip, a dangling carrot. “I’ll love you if you do this or do that,” or “I’ll love you more if you can be a specific way or make a certain thing happen for me.”

Love is pure and unconditional. There are no strings attached. It is a stand-alone entity but there is no loneliness. Love presents itself freely when we are gently nudged. We can feel it as pure energy being released from within. In all the years I’ve been consciously aware, I observed in others that frequently, love has been revered as a concept, separate from the core of who we are. There is now an increasing awareness and acceptance that all 3 states of being—love, peace, joy—make up who we are at our core. It is said that these states of being are the ingredients of what we are made of. It describes the natural state of who we really are.

These states of being are our identity. In certain types of guided meditations, we develop a sense of knowing the following: “We are love, we are light, we are joy, and we are peace.” Affection is not synonymous with love. Happiness is not synonymous with joy. Calmness is not synonymous with peace. Affection, happiness, and calmness all depend on the production of a result so in a way, this sort of love requires that we do something to earn it. It is conditional and uses the “If-then” model—if this happens, then I’ll be happy or if this happens, then I’ll be calm.”

In the last several years, I’ve discovered that if love was a natural state that we all possess, then it could freely be experienced and relished, and shared with others, as well. I have started to be less affected by external circumstances, understanding that events occur because they do; people say and do what they say and do because that’s just the way it is. And, at the end of the day, we realize that none of that had anything to do with us.

Most of us are very familiar with the mental chatter between the ears, the egoic part of the mind. I’ve often referred to it as your bodyguard in previous issues. Some call it the enemy in plain sight and must be controlled and vanquished. I came to the realization instead, that like anything else, if you resist and fight against the ego, the ego persists. We don’t need to eliminate or suppress the ego; instead, we learn to live with it and love it.

In the last few weeks, I’ve found that the ego with all of its incessant questions, whose only objective is to instigate and spread fear and worry, has helped me achieve a grounding effect. I discovered its huge database of questions was an effective way to check in with my heart. The mind asks the questions and then my heart has to answer all the questions. Once I am able to answer all of the fearful questions of the doubtful ego, I have placated this bodyguard and he takes a nap. Eventually when I succeed in calming the ego and give it love and respect every time it rears its ugly head, then we do not have to continuously plot its annihilation.

Love is always the answer. I’m referring to the real thing, the one that is a state of being and is not dependent on a specific condition or outcome. Probably one of the most intriguing, esoteric, feared, and not so commonly talked about genres is the Near-death experience (NDE) accounts (Anthony Chene documentaries), in which Chene interviews people who reported having experienced physical death and then witnessing a different realm of reality as their energy of being crosses over to a place of indescribable, overwhelming love and forgiveness that can only be felt but cannot adequately be described using spoken language.

Over the years from time to time, I’ve come to realize that some use love as an excuse or reason for their behavior; yet, love in the truest sense is not connected to anything tangible. Like peace and joy, love just “is.” It is said that love is in all of us, but some are completely unaware. Some individuals discover this phenomenon during meditation because sitting with oneself in stillness is about becoming aware of being aware according to Michael Singer (The Untethered Soul).

Love is quiet and internal, and if our mind is focused on the present moment, our egoic mind cannot bring forth the past or future. For that moment, we would not feel regretful, angry, fearful, sad, or worried, as the mind cannot entertain both the present and the past or the present and the future. Love gives us the ability to be accepting that whatever happens we trust it is meant to be. Love gives us permission to not label events in our lives as bad or good.

We’ve all experienced times when at first glance what was happening seemed terrible only to discover weeks or months later that it was the best thing that could have ever happened. Love presents us the opportunity to connect ourselves to everything in a deeper sense. Unfortunately, however, I’ve also witnessed cases of physical and verbal abuse in the name of love, as well as using it as a carrot to control another person, as if love was a conditional prize you can win if you only did this or if you only did that.

The places of which we are aware during meditative travels appear consistent with, but to a much lesser extent in terms of clarity and vividness, those reported by NDE survivors. The common thread in both cases is a deep sense of unconditional love that can only be felt but difficult to describe. An interesting aspect of both cases is that overwhelming love is all that we feel when we “come home to source.” NDE researchers seem to note that there appears to be striking similarities between the ultimate place (Source) to which we go when we shuffle off this mortal coil and when we sit in silence with ourselves. Can we then take that leap and conclude that there is a real connection between the 2?

In studying people for all these years, I’ve noticed that those who lack empathy for others actually lack love for themselves, but they don’t see it and become offended and baffled when we point it out. We cannot find beauty in a flower if we don’t find beauty with ourselves or possess love for ourselves. I have learned much over the years and have taught many how to bounce negativity off ourselves. Negativity expressed by any individual has everything to do with lack of self love pertaining to that individual and nothing to do with the target.

It is said that we can only truly love others if we are able to love ourselves. The most arrogant individuals behave in such a way not because they think well of themselves—quite the opposite—they represent individuals harboring self-loathing which triggers further obstacles to self-love. Where could this have originated?

Most commonly we see these traits in our typical young bully who can carry this persona into adulthood. Perhaps it comes from a place of lack or not-enoughness where the parent or guardian was overly critical of them or perhaps nothing they did was ever good enough. These individuals can sometimes grow up to become financially and socially accepted adults who you see screaming for attention, approval and validation. They have a primal hunger to be seen and taken seriously.

For those of us who are fortunate enough to be born into a family of abundance of unconditional love, perhaps we can be of service to those who seem angry or rude, by bringing more love and kindness to the table. Love not only makes us brave and compassionate, but also permits us to have empathy for others. In other words, we may be able to help them open up and realize their gifts before it’s too late.

Everyday is an opportunity to tell ourselves all the things we are grateful for about ourselves. Journal all the unique traits and gifts we have that we can share with and benefit others. Learn to cut ourselves a break knowing that we are doing the best we can and that the next day offers us another chance to change direction. If we start showering ourselves with love and telling ourselves we are deserving and have conviction in this journey, then not only do we learn to be kinder to ourselves but we in turn become kinder and more loving towards others.

“Don’t wait or expect others to understand you and act accordingly—they won’t—understand you or act accordingly.”

”Those who appear to hate you and act as if they hate you, don’t hate you. It’s not about you. They actually hate themselves and don’t know it. Or, they actually do know it and pretend that they don’t. Either way, don’t get in the middle of their war with themselves.”

“The secret to profound love for others is a profound love for self.”

It is hard for us to love others if we don’t even feel that way about ourselves. We also cannot depend on our parents, friends or strangers to love us. That is our responsibility. As for me, although Mom and Dad always justified their actions in the name of love and care, it was just not obvious to me as a child growing up.

They did not believe in affection as an important behavior in encouraging a child to feel loved. They believed that if they did the right thing by disciplining us and being strict about school work and other proper rules, that we would somehow pick up on the fact that they were just showing us how much they loved us.

Those closest to me know that I am so grateful for the powers-that-be who have been responsible for always moving me forward, for bringing me awareness that there is something more to this world than meets the eye. But, who are they, these entities of higher intelligence or Source, as some have coined the term?

Perhaps I have come full circle in my understanding of this reality and its connection to the universe. And, if we believe that this very existence, that this reality is the matrix, then we are being asked everyday to choose between the red pill or the green pill and that there is really so much more around us beyond what we can see.

How far can we venture out and presume then that the NDE and meditators’ accounts are true and that those who have been to Source and back have been reminded where we all came from? Did we all in essence, suffer from amnesia about all of us coming from a place of overwhelming, unconditional love?

And, if my mom, who had been incapable of expressing affection or experiencing the state of love as a human, has returned to Source after her passing, (which again, is supposed to be the home we forgot about), is it theoretically possible that she as a “spirit” is different now without the hang ups of being human? Regardless of whether or not we will ever be able to definitively know, I believe the answer is love—love is always the answer. Love will always be the answer—to everything.

Tip of the Day: If you come across any individual who seems rude and unreasonable, remind yourself that this person is not happy with self or the situation and may not love self or the situation. Send love. Not only will you extricate yourself from unnecessary anxiety and frustration, but you may actually be that light this person needed all along.

Brief Reminders

1) Journal your daily gratitudes and wins, plan out your day or week.

2) Be clear with your goals but not necessarily specific to location.

3) Your goals must be related to service to others and benefit all parties.

4) Write down your dreams if you remember them. They can provide hidden insights.

5) Stretch and move your body daily. Sweating in the morning protects and repairs your brain (brain derived neurotropic factor).

6) Sit quietly everyday to reflect on your ability to be aware.

7) Detox and cleanse with organic green juice (spinach, lettuce, kale, broccoli, green pepper, watercress, radish, lime, ginger and green apple)

8) Learn a new skill or topic everyday to avoid memory loss issues.

9) Protect your gut microbiome.

10) Get adequate sleep.

Until next time, always remember to show up as you are. Question everything and trust your gut instinct. Find your passion and do it today. Life is relatively short on earth so don’t wait.

Until next week, with love and gratitude,

Celeste Amaya, MD

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