Physician Healer

Issue 9 Sitting In Silence: Inviting The Stillness (Part 2)

Issue 9 Sitting In Silence: Inviting The Stillness (Part 2)

The original promise of a Saturday morning coming through was peaceful happiness as soon as I awakened. As the morning developed into the afternoon, it was anything but that. It started as a phone call invite to brunch to meet up at a local eatery. My immediate response was that the place was a bit far from where we were and to say no. Confirming that answer led to my conjuring up a mental visual of that place bringing me back to previous times when it was crazy crowded and busy. However, as an example of how we don’t listen to our internal instincts, I acquiesced and on the way, they texted that unfortunately, there was now a huge line that ran out the door.

Again, I instinctively said we should do something else, but was reassured that by the time we arrive, all would be ok, and that they had ordered enough food to share. When we got there, the line had grown even longer and for the 3rd time I voiced to make different plans. But, the party insisted for us to stay on. My friend and I eventually approached the counter and ordered. Of course after we ordered we realized that there was no food left for us when we came up to the table. Because nobody said anything beforehand, I had to get up and order more food.

I cannot explain the tremendous annoyance I felt. This was not how I expected my day to play out. I felt my blood boiling with impatience and that my very person was desperately searching for a way to escape this noise. As I began to look around, it appeared that the brunch crowd had dispersed. A brief sense of relief came over me. Oooh, maybe there’s light at the end of the tunnel after all! By the time we sat down, there were many available tables. Our added order of appetizers came. The original party, of course, finished eating, got up and left as there was no need to hold onto their table for us. Truth be told, they all had finished eating long before we ordered. We then proceeded to wait patiently for what eventually felt like an eternity for our entrees. Our original order of food never came. We discovered that it got misplaced so we asked to have it prepared to go. And, that was that.

I realized upon later reflection that this was a common scenario that played itself out. But, unlike the past, I was aware of my behavior the entire time, as if I were watching myself play a role in a movie. This awareness of separation into observer and actor is new for me. Yet, I still struggled with confronting the egoic mind about the noise and keeping my attention in the present moment with my gratitudes. Every time the opportunity presented itself, I would shut it down, preferring the comfort of some old fashioned wallowing in my misery and dissatisfaction. As expected, the negativity persisted into the evening. In general, nothing the rest of the day went the way it should and everyone around me seemed irritably ready to be at each other’s throats.

That day was a good lesson and experiment in many ways. At any point, I could have chosen to leave and go somewhere else. Or, I could have used the long line as an opportunity to meditate, to do breath work or do a gratitude exercise. Or, I could have just felt blessed to have the opportunity of sharing a meal with the group. In other words, I sensed the “suffering” throughout my body as soon as I defined the current situation as terrible and unpleasant, as soon as I put out an opinion and expectation. It didn’t have to be that way. I “labeled” everything as if they were “bad” things and so they were perceived as such.

All of that previously mentioned is how the majority of the world operates. It’s as if we are looking through a filmy veil of sorts distorting our core sense of knowing our peace and joy, as well as whether or not we are able to feel grateful for those moments. As the years passed since I first began simple meditation, I can say with absolute conviction that if I didn’t have this tool, my mental chatter could have really done a number on me; but the incident also served me humble pie, becoming embarrassingly aware that I still had much work to do.

I notice that if I don’t take the time to sit in meditation, my peace gets taken away by my egoic mind. I lose control of self. It goes everywhere in the past and future, embellishes everything and attempts to convince me that all that is my reality. Everything external to me that is said or done can easily trigger me. What they are triggering are my avatars, still lingering with all the younger little me’s who are still stuck in time inside, reminding me of my not-enoughness, that I need validation and to be seen, heard, and respected, that I still need to prove I am worthy somehow.

Last week we touched upon the very basics of sitting with ourselves quietly in meditation. I had mentioned also that there are a great many types of meditative practices, some involving mantras, sound bowls, specific ways of breathing and holding our posture. Remember that I’m only sharing one way I learned and it is still the way I continue to do it and teach my patients and clients. At certain times now, I change it up and add intentional (generating a feeling of already having the outcome of something that has not happened yet through visualization and words), or active meditation (applying repetitive pressure on certain acupuncture endpoints to quickly and strongly induce meditative brain waves) before or after sitting quietly. My hope is that during the past week, you were able to sit everyday for even at least 15-20 minutes or attempted to the best of your ability.

Before the COVID restrictions were in place, the meditation clinics were mutually rewarding for the participants and me; as much as they learned from me, I also learned from them. One of the most important aspects of meditation is that in time, this practice keeps you out of your head. There seems to always be too much clutter, too much noise and too many examples of things we don’t want to see or remember again. The irony is that the more you push a thought away, the more you resist, the more it persists. The more you feel you don’t have peace the more peace you lack and the more peace gets taken away. Consider the following statements we commonly make:

“I just have to think things through.”

”I just can’t seem to wrap my head around this.”

”I just have to figure it out in my head.”

”I’ve just got to keep it together.”

The best thing is to get out of your head not get in it. Decisions are best made from the heart, from a feeling not from strategizing and justifying in the mind. One of my patients who regularly attended the meditation clinics asked a great question. She wanted to know how it was possible that her thoughts were not hers and the voice was not hers when it was simply so obvious that her mind is in her head, which was connected to her body, and the thoughts originate in her brain.

The thoughts in our head are really not ours but concocted stories based on some familiar event. They are also not accurate. One of the ways I point this out is to use the status of the present moment to illustrate that if the mind is telling you anything other than you are seated right here in this room with everyone else participating in a meditation workshop, then, it is false. You can only be in one place at one time. Once you purposely focus on simple aspects of you, you can successfully ground yourself. Grounding yourself in “the now” is the only way to win over the tricks of the ego, returning you to your authentic self, one of peace, joy, and love.

Whatever we think we remember from the past, we don’t, at least not the way it really happened. Studies have shown that we tend to embellish and personalize our memories to suit our purpose, our means to an end. Memories also imply the past and in the past, things have happened already. I picture it as a place where nothing moves.

If it isn’t the past, our mind goes to the future, extrapolating choice remnants of the past we think we remember to represent what is to come. I picture it as a place where nothing moves — yet. When the future begins to move, it has entered the present time. This is a powerful concept to understand. Whatever you do in the present affects the future. So, in a way, you do control the future to a certain extent.

The only thought/action in real time is whatever’s going on now in the present moment, right this second. The present time is referred to as “the space.” I refer to it as a very large space in which everything is happening and everyone is doing something. People I know who can focus on the present and feel deeply grateful for breathing, for their heart beating, for being alive, for everything and at the same time nothing at all, are the happiest people I know. It’s not that circumstances don’t come up that can cause fear or worry, but that they are able to quickly see through all of it, switch their mindset and turn down the mental chatter.

Kyle Cease talks about how sometimes the answers come when we are not in our heads but in our bodies, that the very solution comes “when we let go and fall apart” not when we “keep it together” or “wrapping our head around it.” As I have talked about this before in previous newsletters, the more we stay in our heads, the more the egoic bodyguard controls us, and the less likely we are to find the answers we seek (which are already with us, but that we are not quiet enough to realize).

My passion is to educate and teach anyone who is on a mission to seek happiness and a life free of pain and to take their hand and guide them into quiet realization that they hold their own key to all of it. I remind them that the noise in their head is nothing more than trash trying to leave. Many clients have told me that they only meditate when their mind is quiet. It’s quite the opposite. The more it is noisy and labeled as terrible, the more you have to sit to let it leave you. Getting up and doing something else only distract and keep the smelly trash around longer in your home. Personally, I find it difficult to concentrate if the garbage smells in the house. Same analogy here.

My clients are always curious and say that they envy me for being happy in my life. The fact is I struggle like everyone else. I am on a journey like everyone else. The only difference is that I choose to generate a purpose and intention everyday. I treat each day as a set of assignments on which I must do well to the best of my ability. I refuse to go out into each day like some aimless pinball bumping into things, reacting to anything and everything, blaming other people, circumstances and the world for how I am and feel. Through constant learning, I am able to implement tools, knowledge and methods of picking up on my ego’s actions quicker than individuals who are unaware and I can recognize the mental chatter enough to alter it thereby bringing about awareness of “right now,” genuine feelings of gratitude, and the inner knowing that the universe is benevolent and conspires in my favor. Each day brings me closer to greater inspiration and motivation, one day at a time.

My final word on meditation is to make time. Don’t wait for free time to open up. It won’t. The more busy you are the more you must force the time. The more you say you can’t the more you must. Distraction is resistance and resistance is persistence. Whatever you think is your reality through your eyes is an illusion. Once you invest in the “M” word, you will change. When you change, the world around you changes to match you. This phenomenon has been the most challenging to grasp and to convince but the most rewarding to discover.

Remember that it takes over 65 days to install a new habit. Expect the journey to be difficult and messy, but the rewards are well worth the wait.

Transformational tasks:

1) Remember write down your 5-10 gratitudes in your journal. You may repeat them everyday.

2) Write down your 3-5 successes.

3) What 1-3 next steps you can take to change your circumstances and get closer to your goals?

4) Have you journaled your dreams?

5) Have you taken 10-15 minutes each day to stretch and work out?

6) Have you learned anything new today (reading, listening to podcasts)?

7) Have you taken 15 to 60 minutes each day to sit in meditation and reflection to let the noise and clutter out?

8) There are many guided programs available so choose those that resonate with you. Some of my patients have used Headspace (Netflix, iPhone app), Mindvalley, FitMind, Calm, Ziva by Emily Fletcher, 6 Phases by Vishen Lakhiani, and Guided Meditation with Kyle Cease).

9) Before you sit, start with feeling grateful and release all expectations. Sometimes the messages and ideas you receive are profound. Other times you don’t feel any differently. Trust me, something is always changing even if you don’t feel it.

10) You can also experiment by accessing acupuncture endpoints a few minutes before or after meditation or during the entire sitting. This may help facilitate a stronger meditative state and increase your mind’s power of receiving suggestion. (Check out EFT, Tapping Solution).

Thanks for reading. If you found this helpful, please hit the like button, and do tell your family and friends about it. If you have questions, please comment or reach out to me on my website www.amayamedical.com.

Until next week!

Celeste Amaya, MD