In the past week, I began thinking about the concept of hearing voices in our heads and contemplated the voice in my own head, which is on all the time. I had questions for it such as, “Why are you always focusing on the things that aren’t working out? Why are you so hell-bent about pointing out regrettable and disappointing things from the past? Why are you so obsessively fearful of the future?” I realized that the voice never asks, “What’s going on well right now and what are you grateful for at this moment?”
Think about this for a few minutes. Most of us spend the majority of time mulling over the unchangeable past and steeping deep in worries about what may happen next week when the past consists of memory traces and tomorrow hasn’t even arrived. We can go as far as to say that the past is the still image, a photo; the future is a painting created via extrapolation from the past; but the present is the only place characterized by movement in real time, like a movie. Yet, when we are forced to pay attention to the present moment, without hesitation, our mind pushes us immediately to focus on the negatives. It takes significant effort to really anchor ourselves in the positives. And, it’s really not our fault.
Our brain has been hard-wired for negativity throughout human evolution, mainly to protect us from dangerous situations. This was helpful during a time when we were living amongst the elements of nature and had to be vigilant to survive. Today, this reactionary pattern has become more of a detriment, being linked to an increasing number of disease and sickness, most showing up as chronic health issues. Fortunately, there are skills you can learn, that if practiced daily, can help improve and even completely heal you.
Last week, I encouraged you to get a journal and begin centering your writing around listing things you were grateful for in the morning and to follow through in the evening with reading over the morning list and adding new ones. By the end of the week, you can usually feel if there has been some change about you perhaps observed by those closest to you. But, if you don’t, it’s ok; as everyone’s experience follows different timelines, it is important to continue daily journaling.
The 2 things I have learned during the last 5 years are to keep a journal and practice meditation. These may seem trivial and maybe even mundane, but I discovered that many people pay thousands of dollars to be given this very same advice. So often I’ve been asked whether writing in the computer produced the same effect as writing by hand and the answer is no.
Writing by hand produces reinforcements of ideas and thoughts in the brain, which in turn become emotions experienced by the body. The mind creates a concept which then gets relayed to the hand in the form of letters making words, after which the words are then read by the eyes and are fed back into the brain to consolidate its meaning. For many people writing is cathartic and can serve as a release from thoughts and emotions. Along with writing, having a meditative practice is a must to experience a peaceful existence.
Although there are many types of meditation, the method I found most challenging for many of my patients and clients is one requiring them to sit still. Many report that they have no problems “meditating” while hiking, walking, moving in yoga and martial arts, and even washing the dishes or cleaning the house. Sitting still is a whole nother ballgame.
When you are still, that’s when the voices come, telling and showing you all sorts of things you don’t want to hear or see. They tell you that you could’ve done better or that you’re not good enough. They tell you that things won’t turn out the way you want them to and that you should prepare to dread what is coming next week, next month, or next year. The voices tell you whatever has happened in the past will likely happen again and convince you to worry. It’s no wonder sleep medications and antidepressants are some of the top prescription drugs used today. People tell me that as soon as they stop moving and close their eyes, they relive the same unpleasant movies over and over again. So, the first thing I do is alert them to always ask, “Who’s talking?” You then realize at that point that you are not the one talking. It is the Ego. And, I tell them that if they want the replays to eventually stop, they have to let them play out until it stops. Shutting the door, ignoring what’s trying to emerge only encourages the thoughts to keep coming. Distracting ourselves by getting up and running errands only perpetuates the noise.
What many of us don’t realize is that our “negative”thoughts are basically “trash” trying to find its way to the dumpster and we are unknowingly doing everything we can to keep them all in. After a while, as trash goes, the garbage begins to smell and we can’t seem to focus on anything at hand. Let’s say that you have a project due the next day and here you are trying to concentrate and because you stopped the trash from being taken outside, it is kept inside your home. It smells so bad that you can’t even think straight. It’s like that. Meditation is one of the few things that helps you take out the trash without much effort. It’s like your mind and body partner up and clean house. The only thing you have to do is just sit there.
I’ve been asked how exactly does meditation work. People have shared with me that they feel awkward sitting there looking like they’re wasting time doing nothing. We are so accustomed to being busy looking busy doing, doing, doing, that when we become still, people accuse us of being lazy. I use the analogy that meditation is like remodeling the interior of your house and that to people on the outside, you appear as if you’re doing nothing, but on the inside you are replacing the cabinets, the carpet, the furniture and repainting the walls. Sitting in silence allows you to remove distraction and forces you to really look at the very thing that you’re trying to push away.
I tell novices of all age groups to just sit up in any comfortable chair and close both eyes. Their hands can be placed on the lap in a relaxed position. They are then told to allow the mind to show them whatever it wants and that they are not to interfere but to just observe. I had a frustrated patient who told me she had tried for years but that it was impossible for her to sit and close her eyes, because no sooner that she did so, she kept reliving an accident that resulted in the death of one of her children.
She eventually figured out a way to accomplish sitting with her eyes closed by allowing her mental noise to come through while repetitively saying out loud, “The trash is leaving, the trash is leaving.” I constantly emphasize that there is no right or wrong way and encourage everyone to do whatever works. Fewer than 2 months later, all the physical symptoms for which she came to me in the first place completely resolved. This was just one example of how thought became emotion, then became a physical symptom. Whatever begins in the mind can take root in our body and fashion a home.
Most every week I’m invariably asked where the mental voice comes from and why it’s so strong. It originates from the egoic part of the mind, aka the Ego. Last week, I thought of a simple analogy to help a client understand better. I explained that suppose our Ego was our bodyguard. It protects us during times of danger but we don’t expect it to give us advice on other areas of life. Our bodyguard operates on the past (regret, disappointment) and future (fear, worry), both of which are in our unconscious brain.
Whenever we feel peace, love and joy in the present time like right this very moment, there is no role for our bodyguard and so it becomes afraid of being fired, which would mean its loss of identity and therefore death, giving it a compelling motive to perpetuate fear, worry, or other forms of negative emotions within us. It sustains itself on getting us onto the fear train. It is clever pulling the past and the future closer together forcing us to see only these timelines, obliterating the present moment.
So how do we navigate ourselves away from the emotional roller coaster? Call out the present moment as often as you can. I’ve suggested my clients set up timers to go off throughout the day as a reminder to do the following simple technique which takes just a few minutes by saying: “Right now”
“I’m aware of myself and where I am.”
”I can feel my heart beat and my breath.”
”I’m grateful that I’m alive.”
”I’m looking (out the window, around me, etc)., and I see (list the things you see).
Our Ego cannot co-exist with our awareness of the present time because the present time is real time when things are happening. There is no movement in the past or future because the former has already happened and the latter has not. Because these 2 timelines are not part of real time, the facts can be manipulated by the Ego. So, the more we practice centering our attention on what is happening this very minute, the more the Ego retreats into dormancy. As a result, we spend less time in extreme emotional lows and highs and more time feeling peaceful, experiencing increasing times of joy and love.
In addition to calling out the present moment, it is important to make time sitting with ourselves in silence, or the daily practice of meditation. It is considered a practice because it is ideally done everyday as part of your daily routine like brushing your teeth. Weirdly, the stillness and quiet allow the mind to “detox” if you will. Picture your body as your house and that the noise and clutter have been removed to make room for new things. The 17th century philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote, “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Over the years, I’ve listened to countless patients and clients share with me how amazed they were that before they learned to sit quietly, they were always in a rush like they had too much to do and not enough time to do them. They soon learned that all that was part of the Ego’s elaborate illusionary effects, keeping us busy so that we’d spin out of control, confused and disoriented, when in fact, now that they were more consciously aware, they’d finish their daily to-do list in record time and felt more clear-headed, motivated and energetic than they had felt in a very long time.
Journaling is pivotal in reinforcing rewiring of the negative brain. So, for your journaling from here on out, add to your lists of gratitudes and changes, how many times each day were you able to call your attention to the present moment? Did you notice anything different about your life or how you feel, each day, each week? After each week and each month, write down if you’ve noticed anything new in your life.
Inevitably, we are going to experience days when everything is going right and days when everything is going wrong. However, understanding and operating at a higher level of conscious awareness in the future tell us that in fact, there is no such thing as right or wrong, bad or good, negative or positive because things just are how they are. This is called the “what-is” phenomenon and that everything we experience is just part of the terrain of our journey. But, we will explain this further on another day. For now, just keep going, find your passion and let go of expectations. We can be content with knowing that we get to choose how we focus on the past, present and future; and deciding to center ourselves on gratitudes, can allow us to co-exist with and control our Ego while it lives with us as part of our family.
Many people have asked what to do if they get into these “negative” situations and get tricked into boarding the stress train to nowhere. I remind them to simply pause, close both eyes, take a slow deep breath in through the nose while paying attention to that air, envisioning a peaceful place and count to 7, feeling the chest expand fully and then “sigh” into the exhale as they breathe out through the mouth, visualizing any heaviness to be released. Do this 5 times and your mind will reset.
Regarding the subject of meditative practice, clients often ask me how to get motivated to set aside time to meditate or how to find the time in their busy lives to sit for 30, 45 or 60 minutes a day, or even more? Every daily routine we have began as a new habit we inserted into our lives. A UK journal published a study reporting that it takes approximately 66 days to install a new habit, at which point it becomes easier to do the habit than not. In his experience, Robin Sharma, a personal growth consultant, states that any change is hard in the beginning, messy in the middle and glorious at the end.
See you soon!
Celeste Amaya, MD
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