Physician Healer

Issue 51: Forgiveness and Freedom

Feb 13, 2022

Forgiveness and Freedom

About 2 weeks ago, my soul felt the need to come clean with itself regarding deep sadness that had always hovered within for longer than I can remember. This need got triggered when many patients voiced to me over the past few months as I did Meridian meditative treatments on them, how fortunate they thought it was to be me, because I seemed so well adjusted with the knowledge of all these tools and I so wonderfully happy and energetic at all times. They then said that if they could be me, they wouldn’t have any problems. As much as I felt a genuine appreciation for their kind words, I also found this particularly triggering. At the end of every work day, I could hear a whisper from within.

“If only they knew.”

That’s what I was thinking. I heard the ego call out the words “imposter syndrome.” But, without being pushed into darkness, I would not have studied further to gain tools that would eventually assist others on their path to mental and physical thrivation. Then, I explained that the only way I knew about these methods and had these tools was that I, too, had experienced darkness. In fact, everyday, I do the inner work to allow all that to move through me as I live my purpose on this journey. If I did not know darkness, there would be no reason for me to explore tools. Pain and darkness are nothing more than opportunities for us to grow.

I began to really dissect out my daily egoic mental chatter and discovered that the true essence of my being comes to the surface whenever I am healing others while the ego takes a back seat and naps. Once the day is done, the ego awakens and suddenly the oppressive heaviness returns. In curiosity, the ego always asks where that sensation comes from. My answer is always the same.

“It’s none of your business. I don’t owe you an explanation.”

I have learned by now that we are allowed and encouraged to feel whatever emotion comes up, but the key is to simply honor the emotion, the feeling, but avoid giving it more than that. Avoid the explanation because we really don’t know the reason and that usually stems from the egoic mind anyway. However, truth be told, the ego’s question has been stirring my deepest doubts about what was still there perhaps that had not been seen—yet. I’ve been incredibly diligent about doing the inner work, Meridian-meditating for one hour minimum each day, more on the weekends, and yet, no profound insight was revealed.

I’ve also realized that if we are not in a state of peace, if we are not in a state of joy or feel love or loved, the reason is inevitably negative self talk we’ve created for ourselves played out by that programmed recording from when we were kids. Then, there are the narratives we internalize from the external world that brainwash us to forget who we really are and believe that the opinions of others define the true essence of our identity.

Much of the literature in the area of personal growth talks about how we as adults carry negative programming recorded from when we were children. Dr. Bruce Lipton (cellular physiologist and author of The Biology of Belief) maintains that the current behavioral programs we carry stem from what we have passively absorbed from the time we were in the womb until age 7. That’s a lot of years.

While our developing brains are in the theta waves, we are sponges absorbing whatever our parents or other adults are doing and saying and modeling after them as the appropriate way to be. It’s not a problem if they were conscious adults without typical emotional securities and hang ups. And, it isn’t until much later when we’ve grown up that some of us may not have been raised by the best role models. Thus, begins the time of undoing everything we have spent all those formative years absorbing. What if we are not aware of this phenomenon? This is the rub.

Few people actually know the relationship dynamics in my family in which I grew up. Even those closest to me only discovered it when they read my May, 2020 Mother’s Day issue and expressed a feeling of shock. A few were those with whom I grew up going to school and they admitted after reading the article that they never knew. I guess I thought it was normal and that everything that happened in my family happened in others. They said that they felt badly for me, but I didn’t write it to retrieve sympathy. I wrote it as a way to bring it out of me, to honor the experience and to allow it to be recognized and experienced internally now that I am well into my adult years. To help me grow, right? How naive to believe that somehow writing about it this one time would release its grip.

Sadness is a major block in creative flow. In fact, any emotion other than peace, love and joy carries a negative frequency and low vibration in the energy field. Until a few days ago, it had not been just a fleeting emotion, but was always there, insidiously growing more powerful as the years passed. However, as much as I thought I had released all of it, I actually have instead, all this time, somehow unconsciously pushed it down or pushed it away with the tools I have in my arsenal.

When I am at work and I have helped another person thrive, there is a great sense of contentment within. Yet, once the day is done and I am done “doing,” then I transition into a state of “being” and that is when the uncomfortable heaviness of sadness begins to rise up from the depths within. It creates a shadowy energy of sorts and tries to close all the drapes and shutters of the room to bring about darkness.

In the last 2 days, however, I have discovered that this darkness is actually trying to come up and be seen so that it can be released. Everything connected within me, my mind, body and spirit are collaborating to help me grow and continue my life’s journey forward to recognize and appreciate all the gratitudes that are all around us, to pay attention to all the light. This allows us to remember and feel grateful for simply existing, breathing, the heart beating. For what is more important than just experiencing the awareness in this very moment, the now, that we exist?

Comedian turned author and speaker Kyle Cease (The Illusion of Money) mentions that so much of us unconsciously spend energy daily shaming and guilting ourselves for one thing or another. All we are achieving is shaming the child who we all once were. We even let others do this to us and embrace it as acceptable behavior, identifying with it as if we deserved it. We succeed in doing this to our inner child, the one who was 3, 5, 10, 16 years old who never grew up, who never left us even though we have grown.

We forget to be grateful for those individuals on the external who trigger us; and we must be grateful, because although everything others do and say seem to be aiming directly at us and our faults, they are actually aiming at themselves. We get triggered and the ego labels various aspects about us as flaws when they are anything but. Our current programs of behavior are the very materials built long ago by the those surrounding us during our formative years. The materials are outdated and need to be discarded so that newer and stronger materials can be used. We can build the home that we want and that is meant for us now.

In the last couple of days, I honored and accepted how I felt and then finally started to learn to really forgive my parents for all the things I thought they were doing to me that I labeled as unpleasant when I understand now they were just working out their own insecurities of unworthiness, of not enough-ness, the need to be seen and validated by others outside of them. I realized that I was never the victim. I was only following that unconscious programming that was recorded decades ago without my knowledge.

To begin forgiving is the path to set ourselves free. Every little step of freedom we feel comes from the little bit of bravery we can muster towards forgiveness. To forgive any person or event is not about condoning any of it. The power of forgiveness returns to the individual doing the forgiving. Compelling neuroscience research has proven that recorded electrical potentials read off the charts as energy is released as a result of the test subject’s act of forgiveness. The bigger the trauma being forgiven, the larger the release of energy. The body then releases “stuck” energy and begins to heal. After all, we are electrical and magnetic by nature.

I always recommend that it is a good idea to journal the gratitudes and next steps to take and that to begin with baby steps. Practice. Forgive the small things first. Sometimes when we go big too soon, we may be “egoically” forgiving when our deepest truth is not ready. Remember that when we forgive, it does not mean we forgive the situation. We are merely allowing ourselves to move forward in this short life of ours. We need to give ourselves some TLC and cut ourselves a much needed break.

So, for me, this past week, as I worked with my mentor and instructor, I began recognizing deep and long held emotions of shame and guilt placed on me unconsciously by my parents and other relatives. Admittedly, I didn’t believe this was the issue at first, as I thought I had addressed this long ago. But, even that thought itself was shaming the situation. In the past, well meaning individuals have just told me to just tough it out and force my way through.

That only succeeds in reinforcing the inner child that she is wrong to have felt and to still feel what she feels and that she should’ve been “over it.” Imagine telling your 5 or 6 year old to “get over it,” teaching her to suppress her true feelings and not live in authenticity as an adult. Sadly, it is no wonder we see a great many maladjusted individuals today. Without judgment, I first honored my inner child who was still traumatized by being told she was not enough and instead, told her she was seen and loved.

I then proceeded to honor and accept the shame and guilt that had been placed by my parents boycotting my medical school graduation, because I decided to use my married name on the diploma instead of the family name. I honored and embraced the shame and guilt from my mom threatening repeatedly to take her life by driving the car over a cliff and for everyday she woke up disappointed that she was still alive yet another day, ever since I was little girl. I honored and embraced the shame and guilt from my dad telling me that college had turned me into a “bad” person. I honored and allowed the shame and guilt that my school friend, who used to be my neighbor, had to call me at work one day to tell me that my mom had passed away because my dad and brother refused to tell me. And, the list goes on.

I realize that the 5 year old me may still come up and continue to cry from time to time, but I know that if I just become present for her, that is the best that I can do. I am healing. I try to remember that whatever emotions come up, my intention is to recognize it and let it be felt and seen. Honor it. Embrace it. No questions asked. No explanations. To resist is to allow it to persist and I don’t want that. Once it is fully honored, it can be forgiven. From there, it is then released automatically. The release can never be forced. The release then clears away stored negative energy in the form of a block so that our energetic frequency can attract more positive things.

What I have come to realize at this juncture of my life on this journey is that feeling whole, peaceful, joyful and loved is our birthright—for ALL of us. What stands in the way of our belief is the narrative we tell ourselves, fed from the egoic mind that allows us to give away our power to our past story or other people’s opinions of who they think we are and should be. That is what keeps us from living our full potential of thriving in exuberant health. Our beliefs become intentions, which become thoughts, which becomes feelings, which becomes behavior, which becomes actions, which become results. Release the old paradigm, the old narrative. Freedom is forgiveness. To forgive is to free ourselves to thrive.

Relaxation and Meditation

1) Find somewhere comfortable to sit and close your eyes. Take a slow deep breath in through your nose and track the breath down into the belly (5-7 seconds). Sigh into the exhale through your mouth (5-7 seconds). Repeat 2-3 more times if it calls to you.

2) Begin by accessing the Meridian points on the blade of the hand and apply gentle tapping pressure with the other fingers (8-10 seconds) while using the statements in the section below.

3) Switch to the Meridian points on the chest with both sets of fingers and apply gentle tapping pressure (8-10 seconds) while using the statements below.

4) Switch to the Meridian points on the areas where the brows begin and apply gentle tapping pressure (8-10 seconds) while using the statements below.

5) Switch to the Meridian points on the areas at the bony corners of the eyes and apply gentle tapping pressure (8-10 seconds) while using the statements below.

6) Switch to the Meridian points on the areas under the eyes at the beginning of the cheek bones and apply gentle tapping pressure (8-10 seconds) while using the statements below.

7) Return to the Meridian points on the chest with both sets of fingers and apply gentle tapping pressure (8-10 seconds) while using the statements below.

—I honor and accept all feelings of sadness

—I honor and accept all feelings of frustration

—I honor and accept all feelings that I’m not enough

—I honor and accept all feelings of shame and guilt

—Why is my birthright to be whole no matter what’s happening?

—Why is my birthright to be unique no matter what’s happening?

—Why is my birthright to be love no matter what’s happening?

—Why is my birthright to be joy no matter what’s happening?

—Why is my birthright to be peace no matter what’s happening?

—Why is my birthright to be enough no matter what’s happening?

—Why is my birthright to refuse opinions of others no matter what’s happening?

—Why is my birthright to release things that don’t serve me no matter what’s happening?

—Why is my birthright to feel bliss and contentment no matter what’s happening?

8) You can continue gently tapping any Meridian point or relax both hands down on your lap and return to the breathing section in 1) and when you are finished, you can either continue sitting with your eyes closed and go into a quiet meditative sitting for another 30 to 40 minutes and get ready for the day or go to bed if it is in the night.

I hope you found these techniques useful. Remember to click the LIKE button, COMMENT with a point that really helped you or someone you care about, SHARE and SUBSCRIBE to continue to receive this free weekly newsletter and tell your friends or loved ones about it.

Dr. CAmaya’s The Healing Physician Newsletter

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