The Priority of Self
For many of us, self is the last thing we ever think about. We are so much more focused on what is outside of ourselves, whether that be our work, our family, our friends, and so on. And yet, what we must realize is that if we care for ourselves first, then there is more of us available to help what is external to us. An old analogy familiar to me which illustrates this clearly is to think of ourselves as pitchers of our favorite beverage that go empty with time and how important it is to step away in order to refill so that we can then fill the glasses of everyone and everything important to us.
When I’ve gone into bookstores and markets and paid attention to magazine covers, I’ve noticed how much is written about self care. Over the years, I have come across many individuals who felt that it would be selfish to spend any length of time thinking about what they wanted for that moment, let alone out of life. And, I have to remind them that actually, the opposite is true; it is selfish to not put yourself first. We can only be our best for others if we are being our best for and with ourselves. The following are a few examples of areas in which we could improve our efforts of self care:
1. Avoid giving away our power. The answers and solutions to all questions we have are within us. It is true. They really are. We just need to sit quietly and let them come through us. The only time it is appropriate to ask others for their opinion is if they are at the same or higher level of conscious awareness than we are. Otherwise, it is like a 7th grader asking a 5th grader if the 7th grade math homework was done correctly. When going out to eat, we can focus on deciding what to choose out of the menu instead of asking others at the table what to order.
2. Spend time in quiet reflection and meditation. I sit for at least 1 hour each day, most days more. This allows the noise and clutter (I call it trash) to be released and the mind does it well on its own without our help. A common question is what to do to clear the mind. The answer is nothing. By just sitting quietly, we are giving the mind and body a chance to connect and automatically take care of all that for us.
3. The 5 second rule. When in doubt about what to choose between 2 or more options or whether or not to say yes or no to a question, I recommend the 5 second rule. Most of the time, this is not a challenge to accomplish unless one of the options potentially involves pleasing or displeasing others. If the answer does not come after 5 seconds are up, ask yourself again later. If you do have an answer, avoid changing it unless there is a compelling reason to do so, because the first answer is always right. It tends to follow our inner feelings and instincts, whereas the counter argument against it made after 5 seconds comes from the egoic mind and it is wrong pretty much all of the time.
4. Walk away from what feels negative to you. Pay attention to what resonates with your insides. Some situations are felt, not seen, and do not have a logical reason; they are things that we cannot explain. Trust it anyway. What we feel is energetic vibration and we must understand the existence of positive and negative energy. The laws of nature hold a necessary balance. A simple example is walking into a room or a building and feeling uncomfortable or uneasy, and yet, we can find no obvious or specific explanation. That is a sign to get up and leave.
5. Releasing anything that no longer serves our greater good. This may be letting go of old habits that served us in the past but not in the present time as we continue on our journey of personal growth and development. Another equally important aspect of this is letting go of individuals who no longer grow us. Even though there is nothing personal involved here as many of us may find that perhaps our souls are no longer mutually benefitting from the connection, (as per Gary Zukav in Seat of the Soul) we may meet up with opposition from the other parties. This is especially true when one individual is growing and ascending and the other is regressing or comfortable with the status quo; or both parties are ascending at different rates. Sometimes the departure is temporary and at other times it is permanent.
6. What You Think of Me is None of My Business. This is not just a title of Terry Cole-Whittaker’s book, but a true upon true statement in itself. There may come a time when your training in personal growth facilitates transformation that may trigger doubt, insecurity and fear in those closest to you or immediately around you. Many have shared with me that the more they read, the more they change and as a result, they begin to encounter resistance from others. It is not because others are against change; it is more that they do not want to be changed and when you change, they can feel forced to change against their will at a time when they may not ready. If the conflict persists, it may be best to step away for a time and reassess.
7. Everything is about vibration and energy. It is stated that everything is in constant movement microscopically, even the seemingly solid appearances of the walls and our bodies; everything is in perpetual motion. Whenever we transform, our vibrational frequency transforms, as well, which means our energy signature changes along with that. Quantum physics familiarizes us with the terms laws of vibration and attraction. These laws explain how the universe brings forth to our doorstep, fresh new directions whether they be things, people, events or synchronistic opportunities from seemingly out of nowhere and how other things just release themselves. This is not a rare phenomenon, but actually quite common. It’s just whether or not we are paying attention or being aware.
8. Nobody knows you better than you. This is something I learned along the way. Some people aren’t going to know what you need to grow, what you’re passionate about. Some won’t understand your journey, but that doesn’t stop them from offering an opinion. Though the opinion may come from a place of good intentions, it can still only come from a space of limited perception stemming from their current level of conscious awareness. The most common question I am asked about this is how would they know this is what’s happening. My answer is to pay attention to times when you find yourself having to explain your actions. Our right tribe consists of individuals who understand what we’re doing and where we’re going; they just know because their inner work has taken them to the same level as we are or higher.
9. Choose to avoid participating in any conversation or interaction that involves negativity. This could be individuals gossiping about other people or they are talking about their woes, runs of bad luck, their illnesses or other unfortunate events. Even being in close proximity to an individual committed to negative self talk runs the risk of having that content seep into our subconscious mind. One of my mentors recommended that if possible, politely step away; but if removing yourself physically from that situation is not feasible, then try to change the subject. And, if that doesn’t work out, then she suggests singing the happy birthday or abc song in your head. You get the idea.
10. Improve yourself everyday. By taking a small or big step in the direction of participating in something new everyday, we can guarantee our daily success in growing, in navigating our life’s journey in a world that is always changing. I reference the following quote by longshoreman and social philosopher Eric Hoffer who illustrates this clearly: “In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.”
Begin today and think about what one thing you can implement in the topic of self care to move yourself forward in making the mission of shifting the priority from the external (focusing on others) to the internal by putting your-SELF in first place.
Meridian and Relaxation
1) If you haven’t already, write your 8 to 10 gratitudes and take a moment on each one to really feel it. The best is to do this once in the morning and once in the evening, this becomes the first thing you see as you begin the day and the last thing you see before you turn in.
2) To begin the relaxation section, find a quiet a place and sit comfortably. Close your eyes gently and breathe in through your nose or through pursed lips (5-7 seconds) and then exhale through the mouth (5-7 seconds). Repeat 2-3 more times or more, if it calls to you.
3) Meridian points to access for this week
—Chest point, one or both sides
—Blade of hand, one or alternate the hands
—Brow, one or both sides
—Corner of eye, one or both sides
—Under the eye, one or both sides
—Under the nose, moustache area
—Under the lower lip at the dip
—Side, rib cage, one or both sides
—Top of head near the front
—Chest point, one or both sides
4) Intentional question-statements
—Why are my abilities so limitless that I didn’t notice before?
—Why is my life filled with endless possibilities that I didn’t notice before?
—Why does everything always work out for me that I didn’t notice before?
—Why do I attract only like minded people to me that I didn’t notice before?
—Why am I so calm and competent that I didn’t notice before?
—Why do I always respond and not react to things that I didn’t notice before?
—Why can I release all things that no longer serve me that I didn’t notice before?
—Why do I attract so much positivity in my life that I didn’t notice before?
—Why am I able to do anything I set my mind to that I didn’t notice before?
—Why am I able to turn whatever I want in my mind into a reality that I didn’t notice before?
—Why are so many things I’m grateful for coming into my life that I didn’t notice before?
—Why am I so deserving of self care everyday that I didn’t notice before?
5) Conclude with breathing exercises from 2) and feel free to continue sitting in quiet reflection and meditation for another 30 to 45 minutes or more if it calls to you
6) Remember to spend 15 to 20 minutes once or twice a day to stretch or exercise.
7) Remember to spend 15 to 20 minutes once or twice a day to learn something new.
8) Scheduled something special for yourself once or twice a week for self care to celebrate YOU.
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Until next time, may you receive much to be grateful for!
With Love and Gratitude🙌♥️
Dr. Celeste Amaya