Physician Healer

Issue 17: Change

Change

I asked myself what was the one thing that is most difficult for most of us to do, including myself? The answer is “to change.” In the past 20 years or so, I gradually realized that the key to living a life of the highest quality was to accept change, change in people, in venue and circumstances, and in our life goals. This is what personal growth means. They say that if you remain the same, you are actually going backwards because everything around you still evolves but you would be in a stand-still. Change is progress. Change is necessary.

What many of us don’t really think about is that our own bodies change every time old cells and tissues get discarded and new cells are regenerated to replace the old. One could make the argument that we are not the same person as we were even a second ago. Evolution is an integral part of our life cycle, yet collectively, we are extremely resistant to change.

Change can be scary. The outcome is up for grabs. We don’t know where we will end up or if the result will please us. Even the best planned strategy can turn out drastically different than what we expected (this is why we need to release expectations, stop strategizing and live each day doing the things we love to do, things that call to our passion).

I try to remember that the only way I can experience disappointment and unhappiness is that I went into my goals with a rigid vision of how things should be, instead of knowing that the universe gifts me what I need, not what I want. I still believe that we can craft the future we’d like to have and be open and forgiving enough to accept whatever outcome arrives, so that we grow no matter what, and that we keep in mind that all end results are compromises between the universe and us.

At the end, no matter how hard we try, how hard we struggle, we will never control what happens in our lives, except to feel deeply grateful for just existing. So, we need to release judgment of ourselves and refuse judgment from others. Remember that our egoic mind, which I refer to as our bodyguard mind, feels infinitely threatened at all times.

The ego-mind’s identity is connected intimately with how we see ourselves and how we feel about ourselves, lavished and adorned with all of the daily struggles with our homegrown fears of feeling we are undeserving, of what may not come, of our insecurities, our paranoia, our worries, our victim state of why is this happening to me, and our ingrained sense of not-enough-ness, an obsessive desire to be accepted, seen, validated and to be taken seriously.

The ego wants things to stay the same. It tries to convince us that if anything changes, we will not survive, but in actuality, we not only survive, we thrive with change. Moreover, research shows that the more our lives stay the same, the more our brain disintegrates. Putting ourselves in new situations, taking new routes to our usual places, learning new languages, new skills, new instruments and new education stimulate brain growth.

The human condition is to gravitate towards the familiar and although deep inside we may want to be different or be more of something else, we do desire to ultimately be better, feel better; but, we generically tell ourselves that everything is fine the way it is because the thought of not knowing what’s out there is more frightening than remaining stagnantly devoid of stimulation. Instead of trying something new which may deliver us to a place beyond what we can ever imagine, we would rather suffer the mundane sameness to which we have subjected ourselves.

The truth is if we stop overthinking it and took that leap of faith forward into the unknown, we would have so much more to gain. However, our egoic mind persuades us to believe that we would lose more than we would gain, yet it is quite the opposite. We can always see all that we will lose but never so much more we would gain. Again, the egoic mind is afraid of losing its identity. Identity involves an attachment that who we are is what we think of ourselves and how we present ourselves, that external show we put on everyday for the public to see. Sometimes we become our own drones, so deeply immersed we cannot smell the staleness of our existence.

I’m not referring to changing other people and their mindset—unless they are genuinely interested and ask for help. In fact, part of accepting “what-is” going on in the present moment is to be ok with change in your surroundings whether it is referring to other individuals, circumstances, or situations.

We are creatures of habit which makes change difficult and it is said that it takes a minimum of 66 days to create a new habit and transform it to a routine daily task (Robin Sharma). It is especially challenging when you cannot control the stress level in your life, such as obsessing about things you felt were bad in your past and reliving it over and over, stuck in the victim level and blaming everyone and everything except for the choices you made, while asking yourself what if this didn’t happen or why did that have to happen to me? At the other end of the spectrum, you are preoccupied with worry and fear about something that may or may not happen, the “what-if’s.” They say that 95% of what we fear will happen never happens.

We are all control freaks and like most people, I was guilty of that at one time and yes, sometimes when I’m tired or if I didn’t get enough sleep, I catch myself existing in my head, thinking, strategizing and planning as if I had any control of the current or any future situation. At any given moment, our life situation can depend on factors that are unexpected, unseen and unknown. We cannot predict the behavior or circumstances of other people nor can we accurately predict the weather really. There are simply too many variables. Has anyone ever thought of the possibility of leaving your house to go to the market or to work and that that would be the last time? What would you have done differently? Said differently? What would you have changed about your life?

Trying to predict and control an outcome only serves to take away our enjoyment of what is going on right this moment, because all the action is happening right now, not yesterday, not last year—right now. Yet, we find ourselves lost in thought wanting to change the past and wondering about all the different scenarios that could’ve happened but didn’t. This thought baggage is rather useless and requires quite a bit of energy and attention.

A fascinating aspect of the concept of change is that while some may desire it and look at change as evolution and innovation, change is also heavily feared by others. Change carries elements of the unknown and is something coveted by the very consciously aware individuals and feared by the rest who have not understood yet the power of progress and evolution.

After all, one can see that nothing around us in this world ever stays the same with the passage of time. We as humans are tremendously fearful with what we are not familiar, preferring to remain comfortably uncomfortable in the either embraced or dreaded comfort zone. We are too afraid to step forward and take that leap that will lead is to infinite passion fulfilling the soul, but in time, our complacency becomes plagued with boredom, dissatisfaction, and much unhappiness. Once your heart-soul aligns with your calling and the universe’s purpose, the change is inevitable and life seems to appear magical for lack of a better description.

The mind is much against change of any kind. Our egoic mind-identity believes that change is dangerous and that safety is of utmost importance. Entering unknown territory is an inherent part of change. If the outcome was expected, then it wouldn’t be change that scares us. However the mind cannot be reasoned with and is always at odds with the heart.

There is a plethora of literature that speaks of change as being all good. Change is necessary for the human species to survive. It is said that when you’re not changing, your going backwards. Even humans feel the mental snag of boredom; however it is still important to keep in perspective that the goal of change is to listen to the ever progressive heart and the goal of not to give in to please boredom.

Sharing something from my personal journey…

Ever since our dog Neddie passed and crossed over a year and half ago, I have tried to honor his memory by remembering all the qualities that made him an awesome dog and to reflect on lessons he has taught me—patience, meaning of loyalty, and that love heals ALL wounds. Whenever my daughter asked when she could have another dog, I just couldn’t accept the thought. Ned was a gift left at the back door of our workplace for us by God or the universe, if you will. So, as a way to stall, I said,

”We need to wait until Neddie messages us. This next dog will also be free for adoption. Perhaps there will be one that will just show up.”

She probably asked more than a handful of times, enough for her to listen to my same response and to reply with increasing frustration and skepticism,

“How long is Ned going to take to give me a dog? It’s been a long time. When?!”

when low and behold, this past Wednesday, I received these photos by text from my husband of the last 2 puppies that this guy was giving away. One is curly and one is not. He is apparently a familiar visitor of the barn as he is an animal lover, though I have never seen him there.

When I looked at the photos, I wondered if this was “the dog.” Our friend looked at the photos and was also interested. She had been searching the internet for dogs to adopt for the last 2 months. Of course, as soon as my daughter heard, she immediately asked to look at them. I told her we would go look but that there would be no promises.

When we arrived to check out the puppies, I found it interesting that the one my daughter had an eye for connected with her immediately, while the other one connected with our friend. My daughter said most emphatically that she knew without a doubt that this was from Neddie. Needless to say, I had nothing to say but yes.

Having a new dog would disrupt the nice comfortable routine of daily living we got going on here. Potty training a puppy is a real drag. They say it takes a week or 2 tops if you work hard at it. We’ll see.

I’m going to practice what I preach and embrace this change. Change involves disruption of old habits and routines. Change is hard in the beginning, confusing and frustrating in the middle and awesome at the end. I’ll keep you posted.

Remember to journal your passions and gratitudes because these are the ingredients of a life worth living and a life lived well. Remember to be brave and have confidence in your ability to grow personally. I try to remember everyday that a successful life is one that involves 4 levels—Heartset, Healthset, Mindset and Soulset ((Robin Sharma). Tend to these seeds everyday and your garden will be glorious. I also try to remember that we are all unique apple trees and that we are the source of creativity (Kyle Cease).

My journal topics—Live by the beach, catch every sunset, write, journal, spend time in reflection and introspection, continue to learn different methods of meditation from the masters, stay focused and know my purpose and why I’m here, put healthy foods in my body, drink lots of water, optimize my gut health, move around and ask to be placed wherever I’m needed most to teach and serve as many people as possible.

I hope you enjoyed reading this issue. If you found it meaningful, please share it. May you all be blessed with love, peace and joy everyday! See you next week!

Celeste Amaya, MD

www.desertmeridian.com

www.amayamedical.com