Physician Healer
Patterns
Since the beginning of this year, I’ve been tracking the thoughts, behavior and actions of those around me, whether they be friends, family, or strangers. The information would either be from direct observation, word of mouth, or general public information dispensed by the news from all sources. I’ve paid close attention to what has been going on globally, what people are saying on social media and what personal growth, spiritual and thought leaders are observing and saying about what is going on within us and externally all around us.
As much as I have learned that whatever I feel is just my own and that I am the only one who can understand its particular significance, I am nevertheless interested because parts of me are still curious about whether or not people other than I are experiencing similar or the same conditions, and that I am not the only one. Like many individuals, I have been guilty of tunnel vision. I have asked questions I have counseled others to avoid, such as,
“Why is this happening to me?” “Why can’t I catch a break?” “Why has my life always been one struggle after another?” “Why is the universe doing this to me?” “Why do other people have better parents than I did?”
Then, I realized that all of those questions originate from having too many expectations—too many expectations from people, from the world and regarding my life. Especially after the pandemic, being in lock down, being in isolation, I have noticed that fear and uncertainty permeate the atmosphere. I have asked myself if everyone feels suddenly that life seems harder and scary because we don’t know what to expect anymore. 2020 took us for a loop, pulled that nice comfy, cozy plushness right out from under us. There’s that word—expect—the root of all expectation.
Many people seem to be in the mode of fixing. I, too, yearn to fix certain situations, but it’s as if I lack the proper tools. Lately, I’m in my mind a lot. The egoic brain loves calling on me, chatting with me, reminding me of old times, good times, and tries to convince me that if I kept trying, I could think of a way to get back some of that old goodness, that feeling of being safe once again, where everything was “normal.” It lays out this elaborate agenda and I find my mind churning and turning and wondering and planning, thinking I could somehow navigate through this and return home safe and sound, embracing with sighs of relief the routines I knew so well.
Alas, I find myself waking up realizing it is all a cruel hoax of the ego. It doesn’t mean to but it is the only way the ego has ever known. It’s duty is to remind us of the past or how comfortable and safe we were and to tell us that if we strategize, we can get it all back. And yet, life has never been about feeling safe. Safe is overrated. Life has always been about a journey with many paths, events, without any final destination, but more like pit stops.
This week, I listened to a live discussion hosted by Kyle Cease, comedian-turned-personal growth author and speaker, talking about a general fear people had and how many of us were still grabbing onto things that should be let go. He talked about how most felt that living was more scary than dying. Living can feel like dying. Conceptually, we can view the 2 as one who is alive is held accountable by our egoic judgment of ourselves, our need for validation and approval from parents, friends, etc., whereas if we were dead, we would not feel the need to prove ourselves to anyone.
At the same time, we torture ourselves with worry about what if people we love die and we ask ourselves how can we protect them? We seem to spend a lot of time worrying about the life we are not really living. Think about that for a moment. In the present time, right now, whoever is alive is still alive, for now, and yet, instead of embracing this wonder with gratitude, we instead go on and on about the what-if’s.
“Yeah, I know they are alive right now, but what if they get sick? What if they die? I’m just not ready for any of that.”
But, if they are alive right this moment, why are we not enjoying their aliveness instead of incessantly fear-chatting about their eventual death? It is said, and this is an old saying, that there are 2 things for certain, death and taxes. We are all born at one point and we also die at one point. There is no mystery there.
Perhaps the beauty about life on earth is that it is a temporary phenomenon, that it is not meant to be forever. Everything that has an expiration date is more valuable and precious. Maybe the key to living is to enjoy the present moment as a gift and an incentive to be the best we can be to appreciate internally and to exhibit appreciation to what is before us. The worry about the future sets us back and keeps us in that fear loop.
What if realizing that everything is here for a short time is meant to encourage not discourage? What if it is meant to open up ourselves to more love and more joy? If we remember that we control nothing in this life, then why would worrying about someone or something change anything? Doesn’t that just show the universe that we are not grateful for what exists right now? The concept of worry is quite fascinating actually. We are unhappy and negatively concerned about an event that has not happened yet but we think that it will but we don’t want it to happen. Did we forget that we do not have crystal balls?
I admit that I have been guilty this week and other weeks, of regretting times of which I did not take advantage to confront and speak to my parents about many things, at least ask the questions I still want to ask now and to be brave enough to accept whatever outcome. I am brave now, but I wasn’t then. I am ready now, but I wasn’t then. Can I go back in time? No. But, I still mull over this. Why? It doesn’t change anything. I know that I can’t change anything as it is too late and the present-day me knows things that the past-me did not, yet I am ever ready to punish the past-me.
Because of the constant back and forth between the today-me and the yesterday-me, my head just felt exceptionally heavy and congested this week. I had a hard time coming to terms with it’s being too late to do anything about what has trouble me about my unresolved issues with my parents. These thoughts have consumed me and has kept me from appreciating all the awesome things that are going on in front of me this very moment, this present moment. I’ve been playing out different scenarios and each one ends up the same—there has been no change in outcome of what has passed. I felt disappointed again and again and that feeling will never be new.
I have come to a deeper understanding after much focus on sitting and listening to the silence and the space around me. I thought I had forgiven my parents long ago for how they were but the their ghosts still live inside me. It then came to me that if I am still struggling with my egoic mind, then they also did the best that they could do. They tried to be the best parents that they could be and if their ego drove their personality and identity, then the lives they crafted did not stem from their true essence but that of the fearful, unaware, unconscious ego. I may have to continue working on this.
This past week, I also heard Kyle comment about why we would worry about loved ones dying and our fear of our inability to keep them safe. That would be tantamount to not trusting that there is a higher power, God and/or the universe, keeping our loved ones safe, guiding all of us on this journey. In reality, none of us have omnipotent power to keep anyone from dying and the more we obsess, the more we indicate to God and the universe that we aren’t paying attention to them even though they are alive right now. So, why would we deserve more time?
In “Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav, he talks about the human experience here on earth as being an education for our soul. He believes that nothing is a coincidence but rather synchronous by design. Whether 2 people are related by blood or just close friends, if you will, if the 2 souls have more to learn from each other, the individuals will hang out together. On the contrary, if the souls have exhausted all that they can learn and grow from each other, then they will part ways. Seeing things in this way certainly prevents unnecessary heartache.
Finally, there is much discussion and noise being generated globally regarding a general feeling of unrest, chaos, frustration, uncertainty and fear. Most of us are confused and are trying to hold on to our old patterns of thinking, acting, behaving and doing things. Some of us refuse to accept that we have to change our ways and are desperately clinging to the old. The problem is that the old paradigms are no longer working. If we continue to hold onto the past and the past ways of doing things, we will fail and likely suffer big time.
I try to remember—and I do remember everyday, eventually, after I’ve sat in silence, in meditation—that change is inevitable and a necessary part of life. The pandemic changed all of us permanently, whether we like it or not. Since nothing is accidental and everything is purposeful, many believe that the pandemic occurred because too many individuals were living mediocre, fear-based, boring, routine, tepid lives, when we were meant to be so much more and so the external world mirrored our underlying unconscious fear, our internal boredom, and gave us something that would turn us upside down and then some.
Accepting what is happening allows us to receive possibilities. Asking ourselves what new thing can unfold and emerge from all this change will open us up to an abundance of answers and options. Spiritual leader Michael Beckwith says that where there was no way, a way will be made when we are ready and open to receive it.
Each day I also try to remember that whatever is going on is perfect as it is. However I am feeling needs no labeling; it is also perfect. Whatever happened was supposed to happen or it would not have happened. If I get lost in the past or future, I remember how grateful I am for breathing, by my heart beating and for being alive. I try to remember that deep pains that I feel are just my old shell of patterns cracking and falling off of my body, making way for something new that will help and not hinder me. I remember to have more trust and less doubt, to spend more time “being” rather than “doing” because being comes from what is deeply internal and doing is an empty superficial gesture lacking substance stemming from the egoic mind.
Finally, they say that this month, October, is a month of unpleasantness filled with all the negativity mentioned above. However, there is a silver lining. If we continue to seek the new, let the old patterns and habits fall by the wayside, and allow our soul to grow, see every unpleasant event as a lesson from which to learn, be courageous, love more, appreciate more, be more grateful for the little things and remember how perfect we all really are as we are, joy will naturally flow from our insides out and we will then feel our purpose. Synchronicity is always what’s at play, not mere coincidence.
Meditation and Relaxation Lesson
(Please refer to previous issues for more details)
1) Find a comfortable place to sit or if it is bedtime, sit up on the bed.
2) After closing your eyes, begin taking a long and slow deep breath through your nose following it down into the belly and feel the belly expand for 7 seconds. Hold your breath for 3 seconds and then let out the breath by exhaling through your mouth for 7 seconds. Hold your breath for 3 seconds. Repeat 2 to 3 more times as desired.
3) As a brief review (refer to previous issues), the following Meridian acupressure endpoints have been introduced for tapping gently with the tips of the fingers:
—blade of both hands
—both chest areas
—under the lower lip at the dip
—under the nose above the upper lip
—both facial cheek bones
—both lateral bony corners of the eyes (avoiding the soft temples)
—both brow bone points
—top of the head
4) New endpoint this week is the side or ribcage both sides. These points are beneath both armpits about 5 inches down from the center of the armpits. When I teach kids, I refer to it as the monkey itch or monkey tap because when kids do both sides simultaneously, they look like monkeys having fun. For adults, I usually suggest doing one side at a time by placing, for example, the right over the left shoulder and then wrapping the front of the body with the left arm and hand and tapping the right rib side. Then, reverse for the other side.
5) While tapping, remember to make intentional statements (again, refer to previous issues for more examples) such as
—Why is everything in my life working out so smoothly that I didn’t notice before?
—Why am I surrounded by so much abundance that I didn’t notice before?
—Why do I feel so much happier now that I didn’t notice before?
—Why do I have so much more time for things that I didn’t notice before?
—Why am I so much calmer now that I didn’t notice before?
—Why is my life so much more peaceful now that I didn’t notice before?
—Why are there so many things I’m grateful for that I didn’t notice before?
6) After you finish with the Meridian tapping and the statements, repeat the breathing exercises in the beginning and then slowly come out of the exercises and begin your day. If this is bedtime for you, just go to bed.
7) Remember to journal everyday. For valuable lessons in playing your A-game and avoiding mediocrity, you can learn more by accessing books and programs by Robin Sharma, a lawyer-turned-personal growth author and speaker.
Thank you for reading. If you’ve enjoyed this issue and found something you can take home and use in improving your life, please let me know in the COMMENT section and SUBSCRIBE if you haven’t yet. The weekly issues will automatically come into your inbox FREE. And, don’t forget to LIKE and SHARE with people you feel may benefit from these lessons.
See you next week!
With love and gratitude,
Celeste Amaya, MD