Physician Healer
Today
I woke up this morning, checked in with my egoic mind and surprisingly there was no chit chat; so, I proceeded to prop myself up with my usual 3 pillows — the contour one on which I sleep directly, the regular pillow that customarily comes with the bed and a giant square white Christmas pillow with a tactile snowflake pattern on top. The latter generously lends its festive ambiance to the living atmosphere as I then close my eyes and embarked on my 2 hour journey or more of meditation. As always, I felt the gratitude of the universe’s invitation to sit and listen to the magic that awaits me on the other side.
The night before would confess that it was anything but light. And yet, the entire day had transpired rather smoothly all in all; in fact, the entire work week had been miraculously smoother than other weeks, which were usually a hit or miss and I learned to simply flow with whatever comes. I remembered that what we resist will persist. Actually, there were 2 days from the week prior that started it all. I had been monitoring the effects of certain rituals I had implemented out of curiosity as to the outcome. One good day could be considered a coincidence, even 2 possibly, but 7? I’m definitely going to continue keeping track.
There were 2 rituals I entertained. The first is similar to writing aspects of our lives we don’t want onto a piece of paper and burning it. I simply lit my favorite white pumpkin candle and then using a toothpick, I verbalized the negative things I wanted to be released and then visualized transferring them onto the toothpick via blowing into it 3 times and then I lit the toothpick, symbolically burning them off.
The 2nd experimental ritual is simply to begin the first 5 minutes of my waking hours in the morning and running through out loud the intentional questions I incorporate in the evening with the Meridian and meditation, something I have consistently shared in my newsletters and continue to encourage all readers to do. They were the simple ones, such as
“Why is my morning so incredibly smooth, that I didn’t notice before?”
“Why are there so many good people around me no matter what?”
“Why is there so much magic all around me that I didn’t notice before?”
“Why is there so much love surrounding me no matter what?”
“Why am I suddenly so lucky that I didn’t notice before?”
“How is it possible that this day is so awesome no matter what?”
The day passed as smoothly and seamlessly as autumn into winter around here. And, the funny irony of it all was that as soon as I came home, there was this indescribable haunting feeling of dread that slowly pushed its way through like this sudden heaviness syringed into my head.
“What is this? What does this mean? What can I do?”
Intuition and instruction (Eckhart Tolle, Kyle Cease) told me to just “be” with it. Confront it and feel it. So I did. It felt inexplicably painful by the way, like a cross between hopelessness, despair, and a lack of energy, will, or desire to lift myself out of this ditch and an “I don’t care anymore” attitude lingering like a dreadful fog in darkness. The awakened part of me, which was miniscule at this point, was barely able to whisper within ear shot,
“Go sit in silence and really be with it. Something is unfolding, falling off and releasing. Remember your lessons that the more painful it is, the more positive the result will be. Trust the process. It has never failed you yet. This is not a mystery. It is written in all of the personal growth literature.”
So, I reluctantly changed into my comfortable lounging clothes and propped myself up with my 3 favorite pillows and closed my eyes to begin deep breathing, accessed the Meridian points and then just sat, listened and drifted amongst the ambient noises — the refrigerator, the AC, the dogs barking outside, the kids excitedly running outside in the hallways, etc.
For a split second, I felt almost guilty for seemingly turning in so early in the evening, but I knew better than to misjudge my intentions. I started around 8:30 pm and I sat until 12:30 am. Although the mind somewhat cleared itself, my entire being felt generally weighted and dragging. I knew this was part of the process. I could feel something new and better was emerging. Kyle Cease (personal growth author and speaker) always reminds us that there is always magic on the other side. We just have to wait for it. It will appear when it is supposed to, not when we expect it.
I peddled around aimlessly for about a half hour, changed into sleep clothes and then prepared myself to turn in for the night. Performed the deep breathing again, accessed the Meridian points with more intentional questions and then went to sleep.
Back to today. Though nothing was in my head for me to blame, there was a residual sensation of listlessness. I thought to myself,
“Ok, I sat in silence for many hours this morning. I should be feeling better. Why am I not feeling lighter? Where’s the magic? Oh, I can’t say those things because that’s expectation. Oh, I can’t say that either — I’m judging. What can I do? Oh, I can’t say that — too much ‘doing’ and not enough ‘being.’ Too much fixing and not enough letting. Oh, judging again. Ok, well, Eckhart Tolle always reminds us that we can announce the feeling without attaching a reason or condition to that feeling. I can do that.”
I proceeded to say out loud,
“I feel heavy right now. I feel sad and directionless right now. I don’t know what I am doing. Why am I really here?”
I shifted my eyes around as I looked left and right, as I was expecting some mysterious spirited reply to shout itself out. It just remained silent. Except for the refrigerator and the AC. I decided to just carry out the day even though by now, it was late morning. I made myself the usual weekend smoothie — part of my now Saturday and Sunday ritual carried over by the old days back home when I used to make this everyday. Without endorsing any particular product, I have used Kachava chocolate flavored for the last year and half as my smoothie base.
Into my old Vitamix I had purchased so many years ago from QVC (during my avid home shopping days) I put about 3-4 cups of oat milk, a teaspoon of powdered gotu kola, ashwagandha, ginger, moringa, collagen matcha, super greens, turmeric, anise, 2 scoops of Kachava, a handful of blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, and sometimes a ripe banana if I have one. This keeps me going without hunger until dinner time amazingly enough, which allows me some version of intermittent fasting giving my stomach muscles ample rest time. During the weekdays now, I drink 8 ounces of water with George’s Always Active Aloe in the mornings and then have a plant based lunch with raw vegetables on the side and sometimes a banana for dessert. Dinner is a salad with fish or eggs.
This evening, I did saute some wild mushrooms from Whole Foods with olive oil, garlic and onions, too, but that’s neither here nor there.
To fulfill the category of learning something new, I am going through one of Mindvalley’s Quests called Modern Qi Gong which rings true to my heart as it teaches breathing and movement with releasing stuck energy in the Meridians. I am also learning energy medicine from Jeffrey Allen on another one of Mindvalley’s Quests. To fulfill my reading category, I read at least 10 pages or more from books I have started — The Everyday Hero Manifesto by Robin Sharma and The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. I finished Jonathan Livingston Seagull last week. What an awesome fable about personal growth personified by a seagull’s journey into self discovery.
And yes, lastly, I spend a few minutes in the morning and in the evening journaling my gratitudes, my successes, my wishes and goals, while remembering and knowing that I am to focus on the process, not so much the destination.
Am I able to do all of the above? Most days. Some days I am able to do a few but not all and I release my need to self punish. There is always another opportunity to do more tomorrow.
After my Kachava-based smoothie, I decided to go out and “be with people” so I went to the mall and walked around, looked at things, enjoyed my time casually with people around me doing their Christmas shopping. After that, I went to walk along the beach to catch the sunset, look at the beautiful shells, and listen to the gorgeous sounds of the water moving to and fro. I felt grateful watching the water so proudly showing off the sun’s arrogant glimmer in its last hour of showtime.
Today, my eyes rested on a woman who was sitting on some vertical logs admiring the sun setting. No sooner than I recorded the last minutes of the sun’s disappearing act beneath the water, the woman approached me and asked me if I witnessed a brief green glow right when the sun sets over the water. We talked for a moment. She forgot her phone and lamented that she would have liked to record the sunset. But, she resigned to the fact that perhaps today she would just have to see it with her eyes only.
She was doing a little missionary work and had a little pamphlet with the words “Best Gift” on it. She looked at what I was wearing first on my neck — my cross with Jesus on it, an all-seeing eye, a hamsa, and jasper pendant a friend gave me for good luck and protection. She asked me if I was Christian seeing the cross. I told her I was Catholic and also spiritual. She looked down and glanced at her tiny pamphlet and said it was her last one and she didn’t know what to do with it but kindly gave it to me.
“I guess it was meant for you.”
I thanked her for her kindness. She introduced herself and said that she simply didn’t know what she was really doing here in this time of her life.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here, why I moved here. I’m so old. What am I doing?”
I laughed and told her that was the best part sometimes — not knowing. I knew that for a fact only too well, experiencing that first hand as we speak. We exchanged names and phone numbers before we walked our separate ways. No sooner had I started walking, I spotted a brown feather. I stooped over to pick it up. Supposedly, brown represents grounding through meditation and spending time connecting with nature but that a guardian angel is nearby. If you believe, that is.
As this day comes to an end, I feel that much of the heaviness from earlier has lifted. There is a sense of knowing that more change is happening on the horizon. My intention is to stay grounded, to listen to the silence, be in this space and allow things to come through. My intention is to stay present and just focus on “being” instead of “doing,” actively trying to control or fix things; to stay away from other people’s noises and to avoid interfering or proselytizing, allowing others to unfold on their own time to each level of knowing and intuition.
Time to go and sit — again. Can’t wait to see what magic unfolds for me now.
Reflect on the following quotes from Robin Sharma. Journal what they mean to you and what you find meaningful about them. What next step can you take that can change your life for the better?
1) Give out what you most want to come back.
2) Your “I CAN” is more important than your IQ.
3) We are all here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.
4) Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.
5) You can’t make someone feel good about themselves until you feel good about yourself.
6) “I’ve learned that everything happens for a reason,” the yogi Krishnan told him. “Every event has a why and all adversity teaches us a lesson…Never regret your past. Accept it as the teacher that it is.”
7) Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives of all those around you.
8) The smallest of actions is always better than the noblest of intentions.
9) Change is hardest at the beginning, messiest in the middle and glorious at the end.
10) The purpose of life is the life of purpose.
11) What the society thinks is of no interest to me. All that’s important is how I see myself. I know who I am. I know the value of my work.
12) The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.
Thank you for reading. I hope you found something here meaningful to take away and apply to your own life now. Until next time, may you always be surrounded by peace, love, joy and light.
If you have a favorite quote please share that in the COMMENT section. If there are questions about this article, please also leave that in the COMMENT section. Be sure to click SHARE if you think you know someone who would find these newsletter beneficial. Remember to SUBSCRIBE as this is a free subscription. In the near future, I will be adding guided meditations in the podcast section. So, stick around!
With Love and Gratitude,
Celeste Amaya, MD