Physician Healer

Issue 33 Remembering

Remembering

I was listening to a podcast yesterday on the cautions of relying on memory. That was interesting to me because what is a memory anyway? It is something you “remember.” From where? From the past. Not from right now. From the past. I typically hear the phrase,

“I have fond memories of this or that place,” or “I have fond memories of our time together.”

Or, we can go the other way, that the memories were painful or reminded us of darker times, or so we choose to label them. I’ve never really thought much about the subject of memory. It was just something that we can retrieve at will if asked about a specific topic with which we have had experience, or it is something we can visit during times of reflection, especially remembering that awesome vacation we had with family and friends or that wonderful conversation we had with some random stranger at the store.

On the other hand, the memories we assign mentally as “bad” can take us back to places of fear, doubt, worry and disappointment, which can serve to prevent us from moving forward or taking that leap that could mean everything necessary for our souls to grow. But, this wasn’t what caught my “ears” yesterday, listening to the program on remembering. The title was, “Re-Membering.”

Apparently, we remember very little with much accuracy, which was a blow to my egoic mind. A long time ago, I read something kind of similar regarding the accuracy or lack there of when so-called “eye witnesses” were asked to report the events that occurred. If we can’t put a lid on that personal spin on the stories we tell ourselves and others, how precise is that eye witness account? And yet, it is still shamelessly used. This is unconscious, of course. We would never alter any story, at least, not purposefully. But, we still do, unconsciously. The egoic mind does it all the time and we are completely unaware.

And, while remembering an event in a positive way may bring happiness to our lives for that moment, at the other end of the spectrum, it can bring about misery, gearing up emotions that let us down, and we are stuck in the pit, the darkness once more, not knowing how long this time.

The lesson on “Re-Membering” discussed the fact that every memory, no matter how we believe we remembered every detail about the location, the people, the circumstances, what happened, what was said, and so on, we literally remember much less than we think. Most of the time, we remember something entirely different, that never happened, or that the facts were false. In fact, if memory were just pieces of a puzzle, our egoic mind switches the pieces around, fabricates new pieces and then puts them back together and this can be done many, many times in the unconscious.

The speaker of the program recounts a personal story of when he was retelling an event that occurred to him to his friend regarding the meaning of some word in a foreign language. He told the story with such conviction. That was how he remembered it without a doubt. The friend quickly contradicted him and told him that his recollection was faulty. Taken aback, he put up a bit of an argument until his friend slowly and patiently explained why he must not have remembered the event correctly.

At that very moment, as if he could see his mind beginning to rearrange the puzzle pieces again, he realized a different scenario presented itself; in fact, the correct scenario now presented itself and replaced the faulty one (ergo “re-membering”). Feeling a bit ashamed at his initial insistence and indignancy, he admitted that his friend was right as he was now remembering the “right” memory. Now, how can that be?

On one hand, we do have accurate memories of everything that has ever happened to us but to the extent that we were paying attention to them. We also only remember those parts that triggered the highest emotional level inside of us. So, our memory is indeed selective. Frequently, you can have 2 to 3 people telling a different story about the same event. It’s like we are all making the same soup but adding different spices to it, giving it a slightly different nuance to each.

This is an important illustration reminding us the value of keeping ourselves in the present moment, in the now. Our lives and what happens to us can only be experienced with 100% accuracy when we are living and experiencing the present moment. Once that moment is over, it cannot be retrieved with accuracy, so you run the risk of having an unpleasant recollection or if you are lucky, you will remember it as being extraordinary, though untrue, but serves to keep you in false happiness for a while until it is challenged.

My personal experience with “re-membering” in the last several weeks has been recalling many past events with a more-than-usual increased fondness, perhaps even a longing. But then, I thought, if things were so wonderful, why did the universe conspire to push me in a different direction? Weirdly, with some effort, I faintly recall now how restless my soul felt, along with everyone else in the family and how dissatisfied I was with the way things were generally going in many aspects of life within and around me. It was as if everything turned stagnant and had lost its lustre, fading away, even dying perhaps. I could smell it then, it was so pungent. I also vaguely recall with much effort now, how truly unfulfilled my soul was, as if someone or something was calling me, but was unclear what that all meant.

That was the description of my past not so long ago, which I can barely remember now, which I can barely feel now; but, for that reason, the universe ultimately navigated me on different path to continue my life journey. It was as if I remembered the specifics but the emotions were detached from it. The images are foggy now. Without emotions, I cannot recall specific events or things as perfectly as they once were remembered, as they once happened. This is how current bouts of regret and second-guessing can occur, when we falsely “re-member” the past better than it was. Yes, rest assured, if there was a time machine and I had the ability to travel back to the past, I am convinced that I would totally remember my soul’s yearning for its highest calling.

Now, that is a scary thought, what the egoic mind does to tamper with our memory. Because how can we ever be sure we made the right decision, especially when the leap was monumental? The answer is that we can only trust the present moment and what calls to us, that little voice that whispers to us, that comes from that higher place. Once the leap is accomplished, there is no going back. But, there is also no need to go back. The true answers are always within us. We just need to sometimes allow the noise to clear in order to hear it. When there is doubt in the present moment, know that doubt roots itself in fear, shame, guilt and the feeling of not-enoughness. 20-20 hind-vision plays a clever game in masquerading the past better than it was, while dimming the present moment and dulls the awesomeness that it really is.

Change can be hard. Change can be quite scary. Change takes courage. Change also kicks our soul up several notches and addresses the passions of our higher self. Change gets us closer to our true calling and purpose as we live out this human existence. Whenever I feel fear or uncertainty, I know that that is not where I need to be and that’s my cue to find a place to sit with myself, listen to the silence, feel the space around me, and gently allow the old patterns that no longer serve me to fall away.

Recently, I listened to a podcast expanding on that quote about being the change we wish to see in the world. The world we experience is a mirrored reflection of the energy we are giving out. Through meditation, the essence of who we truly are emerges as the old self peels away and disappears. Through this effortless evolution, the people and events immediately around us change automatically, reflecting who we’ve become, because energetically, they no longer match our frequency, so-to-speak.

This is the reason why realities change constantly and we can either label them miracles or bad luck. What is true this moment may change the next. While the aware and conscious individual stays always present, the unaware and unconscious individual will never realize what happened. I’ve finally accepted that life is an ever evolving door transporting us to leave behind the status quo of remaining in the box and encourages us to live in the now and to embrace the yearnings and passions of the higher self.

Meditation and Relaxation Lesson

1) Find a comfortable place to sit. Close your eyes and breathe in slowly and deliberately through your noise or through pursed lips and follow the breath down to the belly, allowing the belly to expand for 5-7 seconds. Hold for 3 seconds. Then, let the breath out through your mouth for 5-7 seconds. Hold for 3 seconds and repeat 2 more times. You can do more if you like.

2) Review the Meridian access points discussed in previous issues. I will describe them here briefly.

—both chest areas within the collar bone and breast bone

—blades of both hands (the karate or judo chop area)

—under the lower lip at the dip above the chin

—under the nose above the upper lip

—both cheek bones beneath the lower eye socket

—the outer corners of both eyes, part of the socket but not at the soft fleshy temples

3) This week’s new Meridian point is at the brow where the eyebrow begins next to the middle of the forehead

4) As you use the soft pads of 2-3 finger tips to gently apply repetitive pressure or tapping, use intentional words to promote healing and relaxation while releasing the heaviness of unpleasant thoughts. See previous newsletters for additional examples.

—Why am I able to sit in meditation much longer than I could before?

—Why am I able to focus on the silence now that I could not before?

—Why are all my old patterns of behavior falling away that could not before?

—Why am I more aware of the present moment than I was before?

—Why does my life seem so effortless now compared to before?

—Why am I so brave to take leaps of faith that I couldn’t before?

—Why is my life filled with so much passion and joy that I didn’t notice before?

5) Once you’re done with the Meridian points and the intentional statements, return to the breathing exercises in 1). If this is the morning and you have to be somewhere, then count backwards from 10 to 1 and slowly come out of the meditation and open your eyes slowly. If this is bedtime, just simply lie down comfortably and go to sleep.

Thanks for reading. Remember that I am merely sharing my personal experiences and by no means am I an expert in mindfulness. I am, like all of you, on a journey. My purpose is to share with you what I am going through and if you even found just one small thing meaningful, then I have served my purpose.

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With love and gratitude,

Celeste Amaya, MD

The Healing Physician